Relationship coach says ‘don’t live with your parents for the first 5 years of marriage’: Here’s why

For many married couples, falling in love and getting married was the easy part. Living happily ever after is the part that takes a whole lot of work. But if you are open to some honest advice from relationship experts, who might have insight as to what makes a marriage stand the distance, then you have come to the right place. Also read | 8 tips for newlyweds to navigate the initial months of marriage

It’s all about finding that balance between family, love, and personal space. (Freepik)

Relationship counsellor and author Ajay K Pandey took to Instagram on October 18 to share a post titled: ‘Don’t live with your parents for first 5 years of marriage. But why?’ He wrote in the caption, “Always give priority to your wife.” Take note, couples! Ajay’s post is all about finding that balance between family, love, and personal space.

Ajay listed seven reasons to explain his marriage advice:

1. Your wife, not your parents’ wife

Ajay highlighted the importance of prioritising your spouse’s needs and dreams over your family’s expectations. He shared that your wife chose to be with you, not your family, and that you should nurture your relationship with her. When you’re too caught up in pleasing others, you might neglect your wife’s feelings and needs. “She married you, not your parents. Her dreams were about us, not everyone. She looks at you at dinner — you’re busy pleasing others,” Ajay wrote.

2. Confidence is key

Constant criticism or control can erode a person’s confidence and self-esteem, Ajay highlighted as he spoke about the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment where your partner feels comfortable being themselves. He wrote: “Correction kills confidence. ‘Wear this. Cook that. Talk softly’. Even her laughter feels too loud for the house she calls home.”

3. Romance > rituals

Ajay warned against letting daily routines and responsibilities replace romantic connection and intimacy. It’s essential to prioritise quality time with your partner and maintain a sense of romance, he shared, and wrote: “Rituals replace romance. Morning duties take over night talks. You pray together as a family, but not as a couple.”

4. Freedom to be

Ajay further spoke about the importance of giving your partner the freedom to make their own choices and live their life without excessive control or judgement. He wrote, “Freedom turns into permission. ‘Where are you going? Why so late?’ She wants an ice cream drive but stops, thinking, ‘What will they say’?”

5. Privacy = intimacy

He also highlighted the importance of having private time and space with your partner to foster intimacy and connection. Explaining that prioritising emotional and physical connection with your partner was vital, he wrote, “When doors close, hearts open. She leans on his shoulder — no fear, no judgement. In silence, love speaks the loudest.”

6. Space is necessary

Ajay warned against over-dependence and highlighted the importance of having individual space and interests. According to him, having space and independence can actually strengthen your relationship and prevent feelings of suffocation. “Too much nearness suffocates. Love grows in freedom, not in constant correction or presence. When every day is family day, no day is our day,” Ajay said.

7. Independence brings connection

Ajay suggested that living independently (even if it’s just for a short time) can help couples develop a stronger connection and appreciation for each other. And this independence can foster appreciation and connection in a relationship. He wrote, “Living alone builds connection. ‘Let’s skip dinner, order pizza?’ They laugh over crumbs on the bed — no rules, just us.”

Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.