30 things to know before you turn 30: All about friendship

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On September 4, 2025

Look out! Incoming friendship advice. Lots of it. Because friendship, like so much else, seems effortless when you’re young, but becomes a complicated beast as you get older. What happens to 3am friends when one buddy has a baby, and the other needs a pep-talk for the next day’s hustle? Do old friends hold you back or push you forward? Is it worth holding on to that one guy from school who tells the same campus joke 15 years later?

30 people from all walks of life share their hard-won wisdom about keeping bonds alive.

These are unprecedented times – Sex And The City started off with four friends. The sequel, And Just Like That, ended with three. Even TV friends struggle to hold on to each other. Don’t let that be your story. We asked 30 people — from artists to entrepreneurs, from parents to philosophers — to share their hard-won wisdom about navigating friendship after they turned 30.

Here’s what they had to say.

Don’t cling to the version of your friends you liked best. Accept them as they are, says Arjun Sawhney.

1. Arjun Sawhney, 54, founder-director, Gallery Pristine Contemporary. Be good to your mates. Show up, tell the truth, don’t flake, buy the drinks sometimes. Friends aren’t statues, they evolve, they drift, they surprise you. Don’t cling to the version of them you liked best; meet them where they are, not where they were. Say what matters. Laugh hard. Always, always let the rest go.

Cut out friends who drain you, and stay close to the ones who hold you accountable, says Naina Bhan.

2. Naina Bhan, 33, podcaster & actor. Do a friendship audit in your 20s. Gravitate towards people who spark curiosity, cherish honesty and hold you accountable. Lose the people who drain you, compete with you and neg you.

Take out the time to meet your friends. The busier life gets, the more you’ll need them, says Vishal Parekh.

3. Vishal Parekh, 49, COO, CyberPowerPC India. After 30, your calendar fills up faster than your coffee cup. If you don’t pencil in your friends, they’ll vanish between the meetings and grocery runs. Book them in like a VIP client, and show up. Send random memes, voice notes from traffic. Send a “Thinking of you” text at 2am. The busier life gets, the more you need the people who make you forget the busyness.

The more time and energy you give to a friendship, the more you’ll get back, says Varun Agrawal.

4. Varun Agrawal, 31, lifestyle and luxury Influencer. Friendship’s a barter, but it’s not an equal exchange every time. You’ve got to bring time, honesty, vulnerability and the occasional “What a shit world” rant to the table. Give well, and it will come back to steady you in the lows and lift you in the highs.

Nehal Karkera says friendship evolves with age, but loyalty is non-negotiable.

5. Nehal Karkera, 38, chef and creator. In your 20s, friends help you sneak into clubs, lie to your parents, and hype up your bad decisions. In your 30s, they help you sneak vegetables into your kid’s diet, lend you their AC when yours breaks, find a plumber at 11pm, and do your taxes without judgement. The party changes, but the loyalty doesn’t. Keep that in mind.

Arnab Bhattacharya says you can find friendship in unexpected places. Stay open to new connections.

6. Arnab Bhattacharya, 55, centre director, Homi Bhabha Centre for Science Education, TIFR. If there’s one thing I wish I’d been told in my 20s, it’s that friendship doesn’t always follow a script. Some of the kindest, most lasting connections come from the most unexpected places: Strangers who help when you are stranded on the way to the airport, locals who offer shelter on a hike in the Himalayas, people working remotely with you in the pandemic. My real, practical advice? Stay open to friendship. And in turn, be that unexpected friend to others when you get the chance. The world is less divided than we think. Our friendships are what stitch it together.

Not all friendships last forever, but try to part ways with grace and kindness, says Justin Rozario.

7. Justin Rozario, 33, graffiti artist. Grow apart gracefully. Not all friendships last forever, and that’s okay. Appreciate the chapter you shared, and part ways with kindness, not resentment.

Be there for your friend’s boring moments. Not just the exciting ones, says Mausam Narang.

8. Mausam Narang, 39, founder, Eleftheria Cheese. Show up as much for your friend’s boring moments as for the milestones. The quiet coffees and conversations matter as much as the big celebrations.

Never compare yourself to your mates. That can ruin friendships, says Asad Lalljee.

9. Asad Lalljee, 56, curator of the Royal Opera House, Mumbai. As you grow older, FOMO can turn into JOMO, and sometimes back again. Stop comparing yourself to your school and college mates — it’s what ruins friendships. Your path matters because it’s yours, with its own twists, detours, and timing.

Learn to enjoy your own company, and your friends for who they are, says Alicia Souza.

10. Alicia Souza, 38, illustrator. Learn to love to spend time with yourself. Not as a last resort, but as a choice. When your own company feels enough, you will stop needing to fill in every quiet space with another person. And you’ll enjoy friends for who they are, not what you want.

Choose a good mix of male and female buddies. They’ll balance your ideas, says Kavita Rajwade.

11. Kavita Rajwade, 45, co-founder, IVM Podcasts. You know how too much of the same thing is a problem? Same with friends. Choose a good mix of male and female buddies. They’ll balance your thoughts and ideas. In your 30s, your friends should have the courage to call out your bullshit. You, in turn, must to develop the muscle to deal with it.

Rituals such as dinners or annual trips can keep the bond going, says Prayag Chakradhar.

12. Prayag Chakradhar, 30, curator. Initiative creates the moments that matter. Create tiny, repeatable rituals — dinners, a shared playlist, an annual trip — because lived experiences bind more deeply than endless texting. When hurt or distance appears, name the issue, offer a plain apology, propose one small repair. Let friendships evolve rather than dramatise their endings.

Plan holidays and enjoy new experiences together, says Shikha Dhandhia.

13. Shikha Dhandhia, 34, personal shopper & stylist. Adult friendships aren’t the easiest to foster, but when you find your crew, hold them close. Plan holidays, brainstorm with your work wives, enjoy new experiences together and remember that women lift each other up.

Friends may feel envy or insecurity, says Parthip Thyagarajan. Stay alert.

14. Parthip Thyagarajan, 52, co-founder & CEO of WeddingSutra. Remember that friends, even best friends, are human. Envy, insecurity and conflicting life circumstances can lead them to misguide or manipulate you. Stay alert to their actions and their circumstances.

Don’t burn bridges with friends. You never know when your paths might realign, says Nicole Taufiq (left).

15. Nicole Taufiq, 43, co-founder, P. Taufiq Photography. Sometimes, a close friend becomes a Facebook friend. Sometimes, a casual online connection grows into something deeper. Stay open to these shifts. And never burn bridges; you never know when your paths might realign.

Keep showing up and putting in the effort to make your friendships stronger, says Sagar Bhatia.

16. Sagar Bhatia, 35, qawwali and Sufi musician. In my 20s, I took too many “side turns”, trying to please everyone, getting distracted, or overthinking situations. If someone had told me to pick a clear path and stay on it, life would have been simpler. Friendships are no different. If you keep showing up and putting in the effort, they grow stronger. If you drift, they fade away. In the end, it’s not about how many connections you made, but the few friends that make your journey feel worthwhile.

Friendships should feel effortless. Find people who truly understand you, says Sonika Khurana.

17. Sonika Khurana, 35, founder, Coloroza Interiors. After becoming a mother, my friendships have become so much more meaningful, because my time is limited and I now value people who truly understand me. I gravitate towards friendships that feel effortless, where I leave feeling lighter and not drained.

Distance or milestones may affect friendship dynamics. Handle it with grace, says Tanya Mehra.

18. Tanya Mehra, 33, child nutritionist. Build and protect a life outside your spouse. Having a“tribe” of friends, hobbies and passions ensures that you remain whole, even if your relationship dynamic shifts. And when distance or new milestones create space in a friendship, approach it with grace. This too is part of staying whole.

Don’t wait for a special occasion to reach out, says Anjari Ganguly.

19. Anjari Ganguly, 41, architect, interior design creator. One of my biggest regrets was losing touch with two best friends from childhood. There was no fight, no big moment, just missed calls, unanswered texts, and “We’ll catch up soons”. We mistakenly assume that friendships will remain unchanged as we age. Don’t wait for a special occasion to reach out. The right time is now. Small moments of connection can save an old friendship from becoming a distant memory.

Ask people more about themselves. Make your friends feel heard, says Ash Ambawat.

20. Ash Ambawat, 35, founder, VoguEthics. Not every friend has to be your ‘everything’. It’s okay to have gym friends, career friends, travel friends. And don’t just ‘put yourself out there’ and expect magic. Ask people more about themselves. People remember how you made them feel heard, and respond as friends.

The most generous thing you can give a friend is permission to grow without guilt, says Akshika Poddar.

21. Akshika Poddar, 49, co-founder, The House of Rare and RareFore. Perhaps the best test of a friendship is how you both handle conflict. Instead of letting texts stretch the gap, actively reach out. And release the pressure of keeping things as they were. Sometimes, the most generous thing you can give a friend is permission to grow without guilt.

Friendships change when kids arrive. Be open to plans being cancelled, says Akriti Gupta.

22. Akriti Gupta, 36, founder, CEO, Loopie. When you become a parent, friendships take on a new meaning. It’s no longer about constant meet-ups or late-night calls, but about the friends who show up in the messy moments, the ones who understand when plans change because nap time was extended or a school project popped up. As a new mother, I’ve learned that making time for those connections, even in small ways, even if it’s not in person, matters deeply.

Accept your friends, flaws and all, the way they accept you, says Deeksha Rajani.

23. Deeksha Rajani, 35, Founder, Be. The truest test? When two people can understand, without explanation, why one has gone AWOL and still pick up like nothing happened. I’ve learnt the hard way that you can’t mould a friend into what you need them to be. You have to accept them, flaws and all, the way they accept you (even when you never reply to texts but are on Instagram stories).

If your schedules too hectic, find little ways to make your friends feel special, says Manika Batra.

24. Manika Batra, 30, table-tennis champ. As an athlete, because of my hectic schedule, it is hard for me to find time to meet my friends or talk to them frequently. But I let them know in whatever little way I can, that they are special to me because of the impact they have had on my life.

Don’t force friendships to look like they did in your 20s, says Siddhant Bhalinge.

25. Siddhant Bhalinge, 33, founder, CEO, Ugaoo. If I had to give one piece of advice, it’s this: Don’t force friendships to look like they did in your 20s. People grow and priorities change. Invest in the people that matter, let go without guilt, accept change gracefully and welcome new connections as they come.

True friends are the ones you can download your rants to, says Abhijeet Kini.

26. Abhijeet Kini, 43, comics creator, Angry Maushi. Lend them your ears! True friends are the ones who listen (and actually listen well) to what you have to share. They’re the ones you can download your rants to. But no friendship will survive if there’s only one person talking. So you, in turn must reciprocate. My circle of friends is tight, but I know they will be my part-time therapists if it comes to that.

Choose friends who see your potential, and lift you, says Ashwani Khurana.

27. Ashwani Khurana, 65, founder, CEO, Karma Lakelands. Friendships that last aren’t defined by how often you meet, but by the depth of belief you hold in each another. In your 30s and beyond, choose friends who see your potential, who remind you of your purpose, and who lift you even in silence. That’s the kind of relationship worth holding on to.

Find friendships that feel honest, grounding and energising, says Samayesh Khanna.

28. Samayesh Khanna, 34, co-founder, Beanly. Friendships in your 30s teach you that quality always outweighs quantity. At this stage in life, most of us have moved past the noise of collecting acquaintances and are instead drawn to connections that feel honest, grounding and energising. One real friend who shows up with sincerity and presence is worth more than a dozen polite check-ins.

Through every high and low, nothing helps more than strong friendships, says AD Singh.

29. AD Singh, 63, founder & managing director, Olive Group of Restaurants. The idea that your friends are your chosen family makes sense only when you realise you have to work on keeping that chosen family close. No matter what you go through over the next 30 years, nothing will help you as much as making and keeping good friends.

Loyalty is key in friendships, says Ishaan Bahl.

30. Ishaan Bahl, 31, CEO at Khyber Restaurant. I’ve learned the value of friendship through both joy and heartbreak. Losing one of my best friends recently taught me that loyalty is the essence of the connection.

From HT Brunch, September 6, 2025